Black Hair: It's All Mine....I Swear ;-)

I'm sitting at the hair salon under the dryer looking at all the different hair types and styles that we as black women have.  Now every time I get my hair done I prepare myself for the questions that come from ppl who are not privy to all that goes into styling a black woman's hair.  You know:

How did it get so long?  Is that all your hair? Isn't a perm to make your hair curly? Perms make black ppls hair straight, right? (From the person who's feeling him/herself because they know a little something, usually said with a slight grin that says “Yea, I got a few black friends" lol) You've got good hair, why is her hair (pointing to another black girl) always so nappy?

 

Any way I digress....point is while sitting here, I realized how confusing our hair really is. So here are some answers to some of the questions you may have.   And a few terms that are the basics to a black woman's hair.

  

The answers to some of your questions...

• No, we don't wash our hair every day, not even every other day, sometimes not even every week!  Depends on the texture of your hair.  Washing our hair every day will dry it out and the process to wash and style it takes much too long to do every day. 
• No, you can not touch it.  Like I said it's a process to wash and style...unless you know how to do my hair...there's no need to touch it. 
• Yes, it was short yesterday and it's long today...it's called a weave/lace front/extensions etc.
• Grease (hair grease) is a good thing for our hair (in moderation).
• Yes, it's all mine. (This will usually be the answer for one of two reasons; it really is all hers or she paid for it so technically she does own it.) If you have to ask this question, chances are its not all hers.
• Rain, Pools, Beaches, anything with water are a black girls kryptonite. By now you should understand why...if not re-read answer one.
• Yes, I do wrap my hair with a scarf at night. It preserves my hairstyle.

 Hair Terms...

•  Natural (going natural):Wearing her hair in the original state that it grows out of her head (usually means no relaxer/perm; no chemicals)
• Relaxer (Perm): A chemical treatment that STRAIGHTENS her hair. Although “perm" technically means to make hair curly, black women often say this term when she wants her hair relaxed.
• Weave: Fake hair added in with or over her hair.  Tracks can be added in by sewing in to her braided hair , glued on to her scalp, etc.
• Lace Front: Basically a wig.  The front of it is made with sheer lace where it would lay against her hair line.  Adhered to her head with glue
• Extensions: Braids.  Weave/fake hair that is braided in with her hair to make it longer.
• Cornrows: Hair braided in rows, usually braided from front to back, that are attached to head.  They do not hang freely as extensions do. 
• Nappy: Hair that is tough to comb thru, unruly, tangled...if u aint black...I suggest you refrain from using this term.
• Good Hair: Hair that is manageable. However, black ppl say this when someone has long and silky hair resembling a white person's hair.  (Don't use this term either)
• New Growth: When the roots of a woman who has relaxed/permed hair starts to grow in....which would grow in the natural state.

 

Smooches

The Ticking Clock and The Unbaked Bun

Family, friends, and co-workers are popping the big question. “When are you gonna have a baby?”  Even the guy at H&R Block asked how old we were and then proceeded to suggest we, my husband and I, have a child so we can get a larger refund.  

“You’re married, you did it the right way, there’s nothing else to do but have a baby.” “You don’t want to be old when your child graduates high school, do you?” “Have a baby now, when you’re young, so you can still have a life when they are grown.” “You’re getting older; you’re not going to be able to have a baby soon.”   Seriously?! The absurdity of some of these statements blows my mind.

 It seems like everyone is counting down the minutes on my biological clock except for me.  Babies are cute but they’re just not for me….at least not right now. 

I understand the efforts of our friends who are trying to persuade us to have a child so we can have play dates, early dinners, and family vacations together.  Their intentions are good, I think.  However, I do see the moths coming out of their pockets, the bags under their eyes, and what I perceive to be the longing for a fun and irresponsible night without diapers, bottles, and formula in tow.  But they wouldn’t wish that upon us unless there were some undeniable perks to parenthood, right?  

And so the inevitable happened.  We decided to start trying to put a bun in the oven.  We always knew we wanted kids but just never knew when the right time would be.  “Why not now?” we thought.  Soon after we started trying, I lost my job.  We immediately decided that it wasn’t the right time to have a baby.  Everyone around us was either pregnant or already a parent and it is only now, in hindsight, we realize that it was the peer pressure that finally got to us.  I don’t know if I would have actually regretted having a baby but I’m glad that the bun never made it to the oven. 

I’ve made some mistakes in my life and I don’t want a baby to be one of them, especially since it’s a mistake that cannot be undone.   Besides, NO ONE wants to think of their child as a mistake so I am making a plea to all the friends, family, co-workers and whoever else is pressuring someone to have a child, STOP.  Our lives move at their own paces and in their own directions.  My husband and I’s pace cannot be set to your tempo and your path.   

Plus a girl likes to sleep in every once in a while…it becomes quite difficult to do so with a tiny human clamped on to your boob. 

I CAN'T Cook, I mean DON'T LIKE to cook!

First Step To Recovery Is Admitting It......I....CAN'T....COOK!!!! Phew....that was hard but it feels good to get it off my chest. ;-)




Last night I was watching Basketball Wives of LA Reunion (guilty pleasure, don't judge me) and a comment was made about Jackie, one of the wives, not being able to cook.  Now I have made it clear to people that I DON'T LIKE to cook but truth is there are very few things that I can cook so I probably fall in the category of CAN'T cook.  However, I choose to say "don't like" simply because it seems to sit better with people if they assume that you can but you just choose not to, not to mention I don't like to deal with all the scrutiny that comes along with that truth. 

Funny how a woman can have everything going for her: a good career, a house, a car, great personality, beauty but the second she opens her mouth to say she can't cook, its as if she's bruised fruit.  I am married to a man who loves to cook and accepts the fact that I don't like, I mean, can't cook. I keep him happy in many other ways.  They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I say the way to a man's heart is through his heart and if that doesn't work it always helps to be a little "fun" in the bedroom....just kidding...but seriously.

I digress, back to the matter at hand. As of late, I find that there are more couples where the man cooks or neither cook and choose to go out or order in. And that's fine. Ever since when did it become my job, as a woman, to feed you! If you're hungry, get your ass up and make something or make a run to the closest restaurant.  If you choose to starve or throw shade my way because I can't, won't, don't like to cook....simply said, fuck you.

 Women are professionals, mothers, wives, maids, chefs, etc. we keep this world running. The strength we have is unmeasurable. My achievements and womanhood will not be diminished by the fact that I can't cook.  

Just know if you come to my house and my husband is not here to cook, there will always be plenty of wine.  Drink up until you forget that you are hungry!

I LOST MY LIFE TO FEAR

Found this poem, it definitely pinpoints all the different areas where fear plays a role in my life.  Some places that I don't know if I'm even fully aware or willing to accept that it is what cripples me from moving forward and experiencing new things. 

I Lost My Life To Fear

Fear in the midst of the night
Fear in broad daylight
Fear of what could happen
Fear of what did happen
Fear insinuating my every day
Fear controlling all that I say
Fear governing me as I sleep
Fear deriding me as I weep
Fear that puts my sanity at steak
Fear that prays for me to break
Fear that strikes me with perplexity
Fear with a recipe of complexity
Fear that deprived me of exhilaration
Fear that admitted me to frustration
Fear that is prevailing my mind
Fear that manipulates humankind
Fear that was unveiled in my DNA
Fear that still holds my life today      

Heather Albright

 

--Lots of fear in my heart.  Forcing myself to push through it is a task. 

 

 

CONNECTICUT WINTER FASHION NO NO'S: NO LONGER ALLOWED!!!!

1st The overly done...."Suede" Square Toe, Calf Height Flat Boots!!! HELL NO!
Ladies if you are 25 and older these boots are not acceptable!!! Just because they come out every year in 7 new colors does not mean that these are in the least bit fashionable.  There are so many other styles to choose from, why waist another cent on these craptacular boots.

2nd The puffy coat....even if it is a Baby Phat Coat.
Once again if you are older than 25, NO!!!!  Kimora Lee doesn't even wear this damn coat any more!!!  Its not even long enough to cover your whole stomach so just because its puffy doesn't mean its doing its job of keeping you warm.  This is not a Ma$e and Puff Daddy video...Upgrade!!! PLEASE!

3rd  I think this is self-explanatory!  If its cold enough to put on a coat, maybe, just maybe, you should put on some pants and a pair of shoes!  'Nough Said!

4th Pink Uggs/Uggs with a skirt/Uggs in general
I got to admit I might get caught up and wear my pair of Uggs this winter, but they are over done.  This trend has had its day, time to put it to rest.  If you are going to wear Uggs, wear them in the traditional tan or brown color NOT PINK, and DEFINITELY don't wear it with a skirt.  We all know your legs are cold and not to mention PALE, don't do it to yourself.

5th no, No, NO, NO!!!!  Its a simple as that....NO!

6th Jerseys
Just because your team is playing or recently won doesn't mean you have to wear your teams jersey every where! Keep it in the Man Cave or at the football game.  Its sloppy and a easy way of getting out of putting on real clothes.


Just a few of the things that should no longer be allowed in Connecticut Fashion....I probably missed a few but I think these are the Top Offenders.

Awake! And Seeing the American Dream for What It REALLY Is!

I have been neglecting this blog a tad bit but I'm coming back with a vengeance!

Over the past couple of weeks I've watched several "controversial" movies.....one being "Capitalism: A Love Story" by Michael Moore and as we speak I'm watching "If God is Willing and Da Creek Don't Rise" a Spike Lee documentary about Hurricane Katrina.     This country is so corrupt, its nauseating. 

I'm only 24 yrs old but I remember as a kid the unity that was felt throughout my neighborhood and the fact that the "American Dream" was possible.  Things were good!  My father had his own business that was doing well and my mother was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years and we lived comfortably.  We WERE the American Dream!  This country has taken a turn for the worse and I'm hopeful that we are on the road to turning back around to the community we once were. 

Between the housing foreclosures, bailouts, the recession, the war, and terrorist attacks....Americans are broken!  We can't take any more. There are things that are completely out of our hands.  Not only are we worried about losing family members overseas and terrorist attacks in our own cities but now we have to be wary of what our own president, our own government, our own media, and even our own fuckin neighbor is doing.

What we THINK we know is all lies!  We are lied to by politicians, news anchors, and even our former president lied to us.  There is no longer any humanity.  Those who are wealthy and upper class look at those who are middle class or poor as an opportunity to exploit. To use us to their own advantage by giving us minimum wage jobs that require an exorbitant amount of work.  But who cares about the health of the lower and middle class....just as long as the rich stay rich the rest of us don't matter....America will get along just fine without the working class as we all die off from stress and depression.

The system is meant to keep everyone EXACTLY where they are.  Even college is impossible.  To be accepted to a notable university is downright stressful!!! Students are strung along to think this is the way to build a future.  To build a solid structure for the rest of your life.  BUT....what happens when you graduate and now you're in an unimaginable amount of debt because of student loans and can't get a job because we're in the middle of a recession.   Now those loans are in repayment and your annual salary barely covers your essential expenses.  For a person to dig their way out of that much debt, it nearly takes a lifetime.  Your life is dedicated to getting out of debt! By time a person owns a home, a decent car, and has kids on top of student loans...debt has now engulfed you. 

I have a lot of faith in President Obama.  I have no other choice than to put my trust in him to turn this country around.  And even though I am proud of who is leading this country now, I can't help but to think about the ignoramus who preceeded him in office for 8 long years.  Watching excerpts from "When The Levees Broke" makes my heart burn with hatred.  He is the epitome of what is wrong with this country.  When a man and his administration have to take 5 days to decide how much aid his own country's citizens deserve in the midst of a tragedy where people are dying and have no shelter or food, then I have to say THAT is a man who deserves to be impeached!!!  Bill Clinton has an affair and lies to us about his own personal affairs is impeached but a man who allows 100's of thousands of people to starve and go without shelter for 5 days is praised???? 

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US???!!! 
What I ask of anyone who reads this is share your knowledge and lend a helping hand to your fellow Americans. 
America is becoming a corporation and is no longer about the people who make America the great place it once was. 

Sincerely,

A Dreamer

One of my favorite poems SPEECHLESS by Me!

I don't really have to much on my mind but this is one of my favorite poems that I wrote a while ago about my fiance.  Just thought I'd share it with ya'll.

SPEECHLESS
Where words should form only air exists
His presence is like that of....
Speechless
Kiss
My heart skips at the touch of his lips
How my stomach dips with the feel of his fingertips
indescribable is the only word that fits
caught the breath from my body and embraced my soul
by hands that could only hold
hold on to parts of me that before have shuddered and cried
but for him,
every tear that has fallen only added to the sea of love that has flourished between he and I
Cries
that make me inhale adjectives, verbs, and nouns to express our emotional tie
and exhaling breaths that symbolize
how I would die
if he wasn't by my side
and together forms a new life that shall begin
Eve and Adam
I see myself in him
a part of him
and with him
we'll create what'll be a part of us
much more eternal than lust
and creates a stronger level of trust
because
words can't create
sentences won't state
stories can't illustrate
books don't liberate
how the love we possess
Has left me......
SPEECHLESS.